


now we are free

by bericdondarrion



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:37:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bericdondarrion/pseuds/bericdondarrion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the yescon_asoiaf kink meme.<br/>Beric visits his betrothed after the war</p>
            </blockquote>





	now we are free

It was like a trance. A proper little loophole. Beric saw her there lying on the grass, cold and dead and then he saw nothing but a way out of this, out of this misery that whichever cruel God had cursed him with and decided to call "life".

He was tired and he wanted to die and die good to never come back. He wasn't even himself anymore, not the person he had been two years past and it was useless, everything was useless and no matter what he did, no matter how many memories kept fading away, the fire inside him grew hotter and hotter and it burned terribly. 

And so, when he saw the corpse of the late Lady Stark, he couldn't help but entering a trance of bliss that kept whispering in the back of his head: "this is it, no more suffering". And he kneeled before her, took her face between his hands, looked at her, at those dead eyes that remained open and he smiled.

And then Thoros grabbed him by the arm.

"It's too late", he uttered and Beric noticed that his hand, tight as it was around his arm, was shaking.

The others were watching. Ned was close behind Thoros, with something that Beric recognised as fear in his eyes. 

But as he broke eye contact with the boy, he was able to speak up with a firmness he didn't quite feel, "It's not".

"We need you, you know we need you".

He supposed that was true. They hadn't even finished what they started, they hadn't accomplished anything of what he promised them and he had brought them to these lands, made outlaws out of good men. A bitter smile crawled over his cheeks.

He pulled from Thoros' grasp. And he heard a desperation in his friend's voice that had never been there before.

"Will you really condemn her like this?". His eyes were fixed on the corpse. 

"I promised the girl-"

"That you would deliver her to her mother, but she won't be her mother; it's been too long Beric, she won't be like you, she will only remember the worst moment, her life will be a nightmare like her death was", Thoros exhaled deeply and kneeled by Beric's side who couldn't take his eyes off Catelyn, "It will be a cruelty if you bring her back and you are not a cruel man".

"I'm tired". He whispered.

"I know". Thoros looked back at Lem and wordlessly, they understood as he and Anguy approached to carry the corpse away while Thoros held Beric back with little effort. He had heard him, he wasn't giving up; not today. "But I also know you and you won't leave Ned behind just like that and you won't leave Lady Allyria without an explanation". 

When her name started to fade away, he had asked Ned to remind him every day about every detail, from the colour of her eyes to the way she spoke and they boy would always try his best, so every day his squire whispered the same story about the same beautiful lady waiting in a southern castle for her long lost knight.

Sometimes Beric felt that the Allryia that lived inside his head was a creation and if he were to see her again he would meet a different woman. He was afraid of that, because he knew that she would meet a different man too; not the man she was promised to or the man she would marry one day, but the one that had come to say goodbye. 

The night came and they dressed the body the best they could and farther downstream, they set what Harwin called a traditional Tully funeral. Beric couldn't be sure, he suddenly felt southerner again, he felt like his old self again, if only for a moment. 

"We should go see your aunt", he whispered to Ned as the improvised small boat grew smaller at the distance. He heard him gasp.

"Really?"

"We've been away long enough". He smiled and he was convinced it was the first time in years. "Tell me about her again".

\------

 

"A shame we couldn't stop by the castle", Anguy complained.

"It's too dangerous". Beric Dondarrion returning to Blackhaven, that would surely be unexpected. Marching all the way down to Starfall was dangerous enough as it was but they had been careful, they travelled in small groups and always during the night and as fast as they could.

Ned was eager to see his home again, so he was always ahead of the party that consisted of him, Beric, Anguy and Jon. Thoros had been reluctantly set apart from Beric, "I won't die", Beric insisted, as he had many times before. "I've heard that before", Thoros muttered but accepted the fact that everyone was looking for the Lightning Lord and the Red Priest both. He even hided his opaque pink robes beneath a cloak. 

He heard Ned exhale as he nudged his horse on to a faster pace and Beric knew that Starfall was in near sight.

His heart beat faster. He was thankful for that. At least, and amid everything, he was still alive. They followed Ned. 

The guards by the gate let them through the moment Ned revealed his blonde head and his bright blue eyes that were hiding beneath his cloak. Even after everything that had happened, the boy remained a Dayne, the Lord of Starfall. And Beric remained covered, he clenched his fists in anxiousness. He had been to this castle plenty of times before, he knew; but he couldn't remember it. The whole place was entirely new to him and the people too. And he was afraid, afraid of what they would think. What she would. 

Once inside the hall, the maester couldn't help himself; he embraced Ned as tightly as the old man could and Beric could see the glimpse of tears in the boy's eyes, and a wide smile too. 

At least he's back to you now, my lady.

In that moment, a woman rushed into the hall. Eyes wide open, pale as a ghost but the picture was crystal clear in his head. Ned had done a good job in describing her: long black hair, eyes that almost looked purple, like Ned's. And beautiful, more than Beric could ever imagine. It wasn't that different, she wasn't that different. Beric took a step back, involuntarily; for a moment, he thought he remembered her, that he never forgot her.

She stood closer to Ned, "My Lord" and Ned forgot himself, slipped his arms around her waist and let loose the tears that had been threatening to fall.

Allyria kissed his brow, "Welcome home". 

"Forgive me", Ned let go, wiped the tears from his face and, to Beric's discomfort, looked back at him.

He had faced The Mountain and his brother and the Brave Companions. He had faced Death itself and walked away, yet never before had he felt this sense of dread, this fear that froze him in his spot and forced him to gather all of his strength, if only to take one single step forward and raise his hand to pull down his cloak.

"My lady". Beric whispered. 

The scarf hided that ugly black circle that scared everyone, and his robs hided the mark that the spear left; but every other sign of death was there, telling what words could not. 

He knew she was holding her breath but he could not meet her eyes.

"They said you were dead". 

I am. He bit his lip to stop himself from saying so. Instead, silence fell upon them until Ned excused himself, asking the maester for some food and rest, something about a long journey; and nudging Anguy and Jon along with him. 

The boy didn't know anything about subtlety but soon enough, Allyria and Beric were left alone.

He kept his eyes fixed on the floor, heard her approaching slowly, felt like running back to the Riverlands. 

"Beric", she whispered and he lifted his head without thinking twice. She saw her smiling, "Did you win the tournament?". 

He wanted to fall to her feet, ask for forgiveness, to beg her for something she could not give him.

He shook his head instead.

She touched his cheek with the back of his hand, "Next time".

Beric nodded, "Next time".


End file.
